What you leave behind

I went out with my sorority sisters last Friday and I guess that’s why I’m writing. I have been ignoring these thoughts mainly because I didn’t have time to entertain them. Except, of course, now when I’m trying to procrastinate on some infographic I’ve been working on.

The thing is, I don’t know how to write about this. I don’t know how to explain how it feels. I have no idea how I can make you grasp the concept of transitioning from a college student to someone trying to be an adult. It’s a little gruesome, even somewhat difficult, but at most part numbing.

I guess what I want to say is that it’s difficult to connect with your friends especially when you are no longer in the same place and you’ve sort of ghosted out on each other after a long time. You’d try to catch up but you eventually realize that you really have drifted apart. That no matter how much I want to be able to relate to what they were saying, I can’t. And that even if I want to talk about where I am, I couldn’t. It felt like there was a gap that time created and only time can bridge.

I guess what I really want to say is this:

Being an adult — working your ass off, getting so tired you only get to sleep and not talk to people anymore when you get home, having different priorities in life, basically — will eventually get to you. Or at least it did for me. I miss college life quite terribly especially the people I used to see everyday but I have to suck up and move on in life because I no longer belong there. I am in my own space that they aren’t. I have different people surrounding me. And even if I want to reach out to people I’ve sort of “left behind”, it now takes a lot of effort to constantly be in each other’s lives. And even if we try to catch up once in a while, you tend to no longer be as eager in telling what happened in the past when you’ve decided to move on from it already.

Or maybe because they do remind you of your past — the past you’ve been dying everyday to move on from.

And after the many uncertainties, let this be the last:

I guess what I want you to know is that even if I haven’t been part of your lives like before, know that I am doing the best I can to keep the connection alive. And that even if I can’t relate right now, I still enjoy my time with you. And that at the end of the day, you can still count on me if you happen to need some advice. And that I know, one day, you’ll understand what seems like nonsense I’m babbling about.

 

Advertisements