Catharsis 0.017

The chest pains are back again. It’s been a while since I’ve experienced this — getting so stressed and you end up hyperventilating, crying your eyes out because really, what else is there to do? I tried to think if this one’s because of the pills or maybe, maybe it really is just my conscience kicking in.

See, I never wanted any of this — not your attention, not the emotions, and definitely not the hassle. I tried to avoid it since day 1. I thought I got everything under control because I knew my limits. Apparently, knowing wasn’t enough.

I’ve held back for so long so why did I gave in? Back last night, I knew I didn’t want it but why did I let you? Why do I keep doing things I told myself I never would?

I am afraid of the repercussions of all these. Maybe one day I will get my karma.

Sigh. Can I just please disappear from the surface of this planet?

xxx

They said love is supposed to bring out the best in you. Well, this probably isn’t love because we’re both bringing out the worst in us.

I’m sorry.

To you, to the girl, and to myself.

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