On dreaming, waking up, and writing
This was supposed to be an entry I’d write the moment I woke up and stared into nothing — that moment when my dream ended and had this weird feeling that’s between nostalgia and emptiness.
But, I didn’t. I didn’t write despite the fact that it’s difficult to come across that impetus again. I waited for a couple of hours (or fine, maybe even days) before I harass my keyboard with words that would again glorify or even romanticize people I dream about. I had to constantly remind myself that dreams are often far from reality.
Dreaming is funny. Sometimes, you wake up from a dream and then have a completely different feeling about someone — as if they’re better because they were nice to you in your dream. As if they never hurt you just because they seem to want you back. Or maybe, you’d think that they’re now relevant, because after all, it’s easier to believe that people we dream about are people who wants to see us. The thing is, that’s not the case. They’re not nice. They don’t want you back. They are irrelevant. The subconscious just keeps on suggesting the idea, because maybe, that’s what you’ve secretly wanted them to be. I no longer remember how our brain comes up with what we dream of, I just remember that more often than not, my dreams are made up of people I’m no longer attached to or people I no longer even get to see.
I used to always recall what my creative writing professor said: “You write to remember things. You don’t write what you want to forget.” I’ve always argued that I write to vent out the negativity and then hopefully move on from what happened that needed venting out. Time and again, I have pointed out that writing is a form of therapy when you want to let go of memories. Today (or four days ago when I woke up from that dream), I have to say, write if you want to remember. Write if you want to have a proof of your thoughts. Write so that you have something to go back to. If you want to vent out, write too. But learn to erase every word after doing a wordspill. An even better way would be to postpone writing of something that angers or worries you. If minutes after, the urge to write is still there, then give in. Or maybe, just stop taking advice and do what you want. How else would you learn what suits you? How else would you figure out if your dreams are that relevant?