Catharsis 0.014

I honestly don’t know how to not sound like a whiny brat when I write this down. It’s just that my hormones are dominating my entire being today and I just (want to) hate the world for making me pissed off without any particular reason. Well, okay. To be honest, I calmed down a bit after talking to my friend who just happens to be so nice. (She’s probably my opposite ha ha.) Anyway, this isn’t much of a cathartic post. But being hormonal deserves one. So.

I’m at that point in life where I’m supposed to be doing something else but I’m not doing it because I don’t have enough motivation, or maybe I’m being too complacent. Either way, I get to feel like I’m in limbo. I know I have more pressing issues to address at the moment but at the same time, I feel like I should just take a leave of absence in life. Or maybe a DRP.

It’s so difficult to be hormonal because I tend to push people away. I dislike having conversations especially with guys. I feel like anything they say would just annoy me. Except that that’s not always the case. Like how my favorite guy at the moment knew exactly that words won’t comfort a PMS-ing human being so he decided not to talk but just give out hugs when I told him I’m being irrationally annoyed at everything. But I decided to not talk to him again for the fear that a new conversation might just ruin the beauty of the last interaction.

I had lunch with a friend the other day who was actually motivating me to do something. No, wrong term. He was encouraging me to address my situation already. He couldn’t motivate me because there wasn’t any impact. Maybe it’s because he’s a new friend. People’s words tend to mean more when you’ve known them for long.

Some other human being advised me to have some chocolate and hugs. Sure, that’s effective except that the person who can give me that legit comfort is miles away at the moment. I’m surprised at myself too because after that conversation one 11 PM outside my place, I realized that that was what I needed. That those were the words I wanted to hear. That that intimate evanescent moment still made its mark. I know I’m being selfish right now because he has more difficult things to attend to and I know I never really offered the same comfort he gives out. After all, I’m not (or more of no longer) the type to lend a piece of me to anyone.

See, I’m just writing everything. And now I’m too sleepy to finish writing what I really was supposed to write. I reckon that’s that for a vent.