I have no idea how many times I’ve written that word down. Verisimilitude. Bittersweet isn’t it? The appearance of being real or true. Just appearance. Not exactly being.

I am ignoring a lot of things just to write this down and feel (hopefully) a little better. Isn’t that why I always rant anyway? A brilliant lecturer once said, “You don’t write about things you don’t want to remember.” I, sadly, seem to write about all the things I wish to forget. Most of the time, I write, trying to heave all the negativity and bury them all. This time, I choose to ignore how cold it is in my room and how irritating it is to wear your contact lenses for more than 12 hours. I am choosing writing about what bothers me than write a reaction paper due tomorrow. Today, I am choosing myself.

I’ve been too concerned about what or how you people feel. I’ve been far too concerned about your own realities when I have my own.

Let’s face it. Whatever I tell you, you won’t listen. You have created me in your head and not a word from anyone will change that. Not even the dearest person to you. We all have our own little truths. We believe what we want to believe. If you’ll accept that you were wrong, it would seem useless. What has been spilled on the river can’t be taken away.

Let me tell you about that public lecture I have to write a paper about. The professor from Allegheny College said that if you want to restore the river, the last thing you’ll have to go to is the river itself. Because even if you clean the mess in front of you now, the river flows and all those waste will still be thrown. You’re doing the cleaning. People out there are still messing things up. Now, that doesn’t sound good, does it?

You’re the one throwing down all the accusations down the river. I’m giving up going down everyday to that river, trying to restore what was once clear.

But who wants to restore rivers they themselves polluted?