Catharsis 0.010

According to a certain writer, there are two types of people in the world: those who prefer to be sad among others, and those who prefer to be sad alone.

So it happens that I can’t figure out where I lie between the two. For one, I write about my sadness, hoping that somehow, vomiting words will lessen the burden. Also, however, I write into the unknown, not knowing who listens, not hearing a word of comfort said back.

I often blame my hormones for my sadness. As it’s true that most of the time, girls get all worked up during that time of the month, I still think the reason behind sadness is an unanswered question.

Pause.

I started writing because I needed to vent out. I guess ambiguity will lead me to wallow more in my sadness so I’d get straight to the point.

Play.

I’m sad. Mainly because I feel unheard. Or maybe I’ve been heard but I don’t feel like I was. I’m sad because when I raise a point, it seems unnoticed. When I tell what the problem is, usually based on my hunches, I’m left unanswered. They say silence means yes but I think silence means getting hurt. Because no one shuts up if they can give you the right words. I’m sad because I ended up blaming myself because I saw how hurt you were too, and I was scared that you might leave. I’m sad because I’m always scared to ask the questions I can’t even say, and hear answers that might even put me to greater distress. I’m sad because I feel alone. I’m sad because I want everything answered without me going through things.

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