I’m bored. Basically. Earlier, I edited my resume and had to check the constitution for some definition of a position. Because I was bored, I ended up re-typing the constitution, editing some grammatical errors, merging some articles, and changing the layout. Since I was doing this, I ended up checking my other org’s constitution as well and was reminded of the days I spent memorizing it.
I then went online — facebook, as usual. I happened to have pending orgwork — research for a congress and am in need of idea for an avp. While suggesting something, I was reminded of a video my team made during my term as director of a chorale competition. I ended up watching all videos we made and there you go, nostalgia.
I was talking to someone, telling him about all these. He told me “parang dati lang ‘no?”, probably thinking that I felt as if time passed by so fast, as if yesterday, I was a sophomore heading a team with everyone else older than I am. But no. I felt that time did pass. Two years seemed like a decade. The organization I once poured all my efforts in wasn’t as close to my heart as it was once before. Or maybe it’s still there. However, I have diverted my attention to a lot of other new things.
There’s this quote I’ve read (but somehow I can’t find it online so it’s no longer verbatim), saying that the intensity of making new friends is so great it pushes the old ones away, making us forget or leave them behind. Maybe my home org’s like that, an old friend that I’ve forgotten. Someone I’ve left behind. Maybe because I found something new that also see my worth. Or maybe because I intentionally left it because I got tired, I got stressed, I got burnt out.
You see, it’s just like with people. We fall in love and give our best. But then, we get tired — somehow, the effort we put is no longer reciprocated. We feel like we’re doing something of no benefit, as if everything is put to waste. The fulfillment that was once there faded and we were left with that — being tired. So there comes someone else — not necessarily better (though it might be), but something that you grew to love as well. You forget the old and welcome the new.
But no one really leaves, we just learn to live without them. Maybe if we get another chance, not exactly that as before, but another chance to care, not love… we grab it and realize it was there all along.