End of month realizations

Since it seems like I won’t be able to have any academic-related work done today, might as well write.

I kicked off my 2014 pretty well. I mean, sure it wasn’t the best and it was far from perfect but it was okay. It was good enough. I didn’t wish that I had it some other way. I was cool because I felt like things would go my way for the most of it. Of course, there are things we can’t avoid but I didn’t dwell on them. After all, I write my own stories — the world writes its own as well. And we just have to accept the fact that sometimes, what we wrote and what was written do not jive. But hey, the story doesn’t stop there so you can still hope.

This month came off pretty harsh, I guess. It was crazy how one moment I was extremely happy, the next, you’d see me breaking down. It was partly my fault because you know, sometimes, we make stupid decisions based on uncertain stuff but okay, let’s just move on from the mess that was.

I don’t find the need to recall all that happened since I remember the bad parts more — or at least they dominated my head more often than the good times, making them clearer in my head.

I’m thankful though:

For new beginnings

For experiencing how it was to (almost) lose someone you love

For knowing my limits

For breaking

For learning to what extent depression affects me

For my brods and sisses that helped me cope with that depression: the hugs, the messages I wake up to, the reminders for me to eat, the effort for us to fix things, for listening, and for being with me when I was at my lowest point

For my friends (despite the fact that I don’t hang out with you guys often) who sensed I wasn’t okay without me telling them, those who gave their advice, tried to make me laugh, and just stayed with me until I calmed down

For recovering and second chances to many things

For managing AEC Month/Week, academics, life problems, and making it through

For road trips ’til 6 AM

For realizing how karma is such a bitch and learning to not repeat the same mistakes

For that pride and its consequences

For first times

For new sisses

For getting to to talk to old people in your lives

For the fact that they stayed

For the fact that you stayed

For forgiveness

For the realization that life is actually fair — what goes up comes down.

It was pure of bullshit, January was. I’m thankful, nonetheless.