#rant

“I’m here” doesn’t work all the time, okay.

Don’t even put a qualifier. I’m here ALREADY, or whatever you want to add. It. Doesn’t. Work.

I have no idea how many times I have to repeat this thought. To how many people. To how many circumstances. But it boils down to one thing — my perception of such hasn’t changed.

Because when I say I need you, I meanĀ now. And it doesn’t work if you respond moments after. I know, I’m narrow-minded/selfish/self-centered/etc but I rarely tell people that. More often than not, I try to keep everything to myself. I try to work them out by myself. Sure, I approach you and rant to you a lot about so many things. Maybe you’d reply, sympathizing — or even trying to empathize. But let me tell you: IT DOESN’T FRICKING WORK.

Such rare times so better be there, right? RIGHT. And when you do, might as well say what you can without ticking me off.

Let me tell you, no matter how indifferent you’d probably be, of a lesson taught to me by Searle: that consciousness is a first person ontology. That my experiences are subjective. Because you can’t feel them too. Because the reality is only a reality to me and you’re probably adding your shitload of interpretations and other context to that reality when you tell me “I feel you”. YOU DON’T.

UGH.

I am really really really annoyed and I’m sorry I’m not sorry.

And I have to rant this all out before legit sleeping/studying forĀ that (please read with disgust) subject.

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