You wanted to read something. I wanted to write anyway. But I guess, after a few moments of staring blankly at the screen, I lost the words I wanted to write. Or maybe I shoved them back, wanting to not talk about whatever it was.
I could have continued this saying, how does it work? Shoving back your thoughts? And more than that, how come we get so affected by our thoughts? But I’m sorry, as much as I want to get over with my essay for Philo 198 and get started with my readings, I have to force myself to write. Sooner or later, words would be more fluid. They’d flow more easily, and I’d get to write down the thoughts I held back right before you sleep.
Or not. But okay, let’s give it a shot.
Months ago, a friend brought up the topic about exes. I’m not sure what the argument was but the words “having previous relationships complicate things” came up. Does it? Or does it make things easier because at one point, you’d already know how to act? Or does “knowing” how to respond the actual problem?
So what are the issues? I found two…. or maybe three. (They’re very interrelated, though.)
- Comparisons. The fact that person X used to do this, and person Y doesn’t is frustrating, right? Sometimes, comparing is okay when you get to see the improvements. But more often than not, it just isn’t. They’re two different people anyway, right? Coming from a previous relationship, we tend to think that the situation’s familiar — that we’ve been there already. Sometimes, old tactics work. But then again, not all the time.
- Expectations. “He’s supposed to do this.” Admit it; you’ve been there: expecting him to do things just because your ex used to do that. From the simple messages to send and questions to ask to how to comfort you when you’re pissed off to bringing you home or accompanying you wherever you go, you’ve already formed a pattern in your head that that’s how it’s supposed to go. And who gets frustrated when he doesn’t? You.
- Moving on. Because once in a while, he does things that’d make you feel like he hasn’t completely moved on yet. And as much as you want to ignore it, the thought haunts you. And honestly, you’ve probably been on the same boat too.
Maybe it wasn’t much of the rant that you’re expecting but at least you’re familiar with what went through my brain while you were asleep.