Évitement de l’incertitude

Here goes again a roller-coaster of emotions.

No, fuck, it’s not even the hormones. It’s just you.

I don’t want myself to get caught up into that mess.

Pause.

Okay, so how about I write this straight to the point?

If you think this is about you…..well it is. You’re the only person I talked to the entire day. Well no, I talked to 24 people, to be exact, but the point is, it doesn’t matter. I don’t even understand why I’m feeling so fucked up about everything. It just started with me getting ticked off with him. And then the barrage of frustrations (or however you may want to call that) kicked in.

I didn’t mean to be rude. Lol, definitely not to you. I don’t understand either why that feeling clung. Maybe because he’s not really the problem. He just triggered all the bad feels, all the thoughts I’ve been shooing away. Maybe, most likely, that’s what happened.

I don’t blame him. He, after all, is still a kid. Yeah, sure he’s old enough but you get it, how tactless he can be. Of course, you get it. You would know more than I would.

So what was triggered exactly?

I don’t know.

Probably it’s just the fact that we’ve been (or maybe just me, my bad for assuming) clinging to each other. These everyday conversations…. I have no idea where they may take us. Trust me when I say that the same time before, October last  year, I was in the same boat. But now, different person.

I don’t like over-thinking. Ugh. For crying out loud, I hate over-analyzing what’s going on between the two of us because 1) it might be just nothing and I just got caught up with my emotions and 2) I just don’t like admitting the fact that I may be attached. That fuck this shit I am attached. And maybe you’d be surprised at how fast it went but you have to realize where I’m coming from. It’s been barely two months. And someone was there. And then you.

I’m telling you, I don’t know what’s going on. But you’re getting me used to things.

So much uncertainties. It might be because of you. Or just because of the circumstance.

I’m not asking you to go away. I’m just asking you to hold back if you don’t want this to screw up.

At least.

I fell.

Please don’t even ask me what this is about.

Advertisements