Williams, iced mocha, and a stranger

Written 16 October 2012, 3:19 PM. Unfinished.

 

I have exactly 40 minutes before I start training. I should be back in UP at 4 pm, assuming the training would start on time.  However, it usually doesn’t. But then again, to be safe, we give the benefit of the doubt. I’ve always looked forward to training. Key words: have always looked. Not now, really. No, I haven’t. It’s probably because of the lonely atmosphere the tambayan gives. It seems so abandoned. I had to find another shelter as the first one seemed so empty. And so went my Katipunan trip.

 

At first, I was thinking of going to the Main Library, thinking that I’d probably be more productive there. However, as I was walking — taking the longer route from Econ to the lib, I realized how I wanted to go somewhere cold and so I decided: Starbucks it is. Apparently, the coffee shop near the gas station was under construction. So, I had to walk to the other side. And here I am now, blogging for some unknown reason.

 

Perhaps it’s sometimes necessary for someone to exercise the mind. Letting it all out, emptying it just before an exam. Speaking of which, I have around 800 pages (or perhaps more) to read for my finals on Friday. While everyone else is thinking on how to spend their term break, I am here, aside from writing, trying to figure out how to pull my grades up.

 

As you probably know, I am extremely grade conscious. It’s the weird type of gc-ness. I hate going to class. I hate studying. However, I love learning. I love brilliant profs who are always up for a debate or maybe those who are able to answer my weird questions. I love instructors who speaks English, not geek language. (But sure, puns are always appreciated, as long as it was spoken in the normal language first, if you know what I mean.) I love learning — that enlightenment you get when you finally realized the reasons behind such wonders in life. Yes, I adore those things.

 

What I don’t like, however is, learning — if you even there call it as such– by yourself. Sometimes, I know, it’s necessary. But when you have to do it for an entire semester and when you’ve paid for such “education”, what the hell. I’m wasting time. If I could earn a degree by simply reading a book and passing an exam, I don’t think I need to go to school. It’s such a waste of time and money. I need to appreciate things — and that is, I believe, why I go to school. I search for someone or something to make me appreciate the importance of certain matters I read in books. I do know it’s relevant but I really can’t appreciate it. Take Economics for example.. I’ve spent a couple of years already studying econ and, I admit, yes there was a point that I appreciated it so much. That’s why I decided to take it up as my major. (Note however, that there are external factors why I chose this course) Back in second year high, econ seemed such an amazing subject. I learned to love economics as I spent almost half of my seven minute speech tackling the impact of a proposal into a nation. I loved how econ seemed so rational, how it seemed to give answers to our life problems.

 

After a semester in college, my world seemed to have revolved around completely. I didn’t get why I was spending three hours of my week listening to my professor discuss about supply and demand, about game theories, about monopolies and oligopolies, about consuming and spending, about exchange rates, and monetary supply. I realized that even if I have understood most of it, I still don’t appreciate it. It seemed to me as if the longer the time I spent learning about economics, the more I get disinterested. I started to hate economics and I made up plans B and C that instant. After failing an exam and still managing to get a line of 1 in my final grade, I told myself, I am going to shift to some science course — may it be MBB, Engineering, or Mathematics. I am going to shift.

 

I was decided. I made my plans already on what electives to take in order not to be delayed. However, as a new seed in the university, it was difficult for me to leave my college. I decided to give another try since I really can’t shift after the first semester anyway. I told myself, I’d take Economics in advance and then decide on my future. That didn’t happen of course. I wasn’t able to take Econ 101 (which was supposed to decide my fate) due to certain complications. So I had to spend another year to decide. My second semester in the university went well. However, I still  haven’t made up my mind whether or not to stay.

 

A new academic year came. Finally,  time to take up my majors. How much I learned is out of question. (Although to be honest, I finally got how microeconomics work. Yes, micro. Just micro. As for my macroeconomics, I cut classes so frequently that it would have caused me to get a 5 if only the professor checked attendance. Luckily, he doesn’t.) At first, I just studied for the sake of maintaining my grades. Getting low grades in some exams really disheartened me more than ever. My plan B seemed more appealing than ever — I have always loved Mathematics and Biology anyway. I would be better off  if I take those courses.

 

And then I realized, all of a sudden, how I was starting to talk in the subtlest economics-dork way. I realized how I made decisions based on which gives me the highest utility, which of course, as an average reasonable person, is just ordinary. I saw how I could easily explain why monopolies are detrimental to the society. I was able to tell in plain English why this is so and whatnot. I was talking Economics.

 

So I realized, Econ’s not as bad as I deemed it to be.

 

I was studying for macroeconomics — my most ‘despised’ subject. I really wasn’t understanding anything. It was more of me reading just to be psychologically prepared for my finals which is 50% of my final grade. My dad, upon seeing the graphs I was ‘studying’ told me: “So do you see the relevance of that in our country?”. I answered impulsively: NO. It was an honest answer. I really didn’t! However, as I was spending more time studying the IS-LM curves, I was telling myself why this is happening in our country and what have you. It was, sort of, making sense.

 

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