In Essence.

I’M BACK. I haven’t written for almost two weeks, scared of re-reading those old posts, judging myself for being such a sad kid and yet again trying to justify those feelings to myself. I could just have deleted that entry to forget I was such a depressed person but I realized I rarely re-read my own posts so in essence, it’d be useless. Plus, I made that promise to myself of not deleting any entry which you probably already know.

So. What did I miss writing? Before retracking all those things that happened 13 days ago till this minute, let me just first share this thought a friend told me: in one of his classes, they were asked to make a “happy log” wherein they input every happy thing that happened to them every hour in order to see the positive things instead of the negative ones. So let’s try that idea out.

I am such a pessimistic person. I stopped because I realized, thirteen days ago was August 21, meaning, the start of my depression scheme. HAHA. It was that week when I received such bad news and I told myself I’d improve but it seems that I still haven’t. (And I acknowledege the lack of integrity on my part, okay). But okay, that week was one of the most tiring week ever. I had cheerdance practice amidst my sleepless nights and Econ exams. Despite the tiring part, it was fun getting to know more of my batchmates. So during the last day of practice (the night before Schoolympics), I was able to get home at around 12:30 am. And I had to attend to this “emergency” online meeting which ended up being just sabaw conversations with two sabaw people. (Yes, sabaw needs not be italicized lol.) And then we ended up talking and planning at around 3 am — meaning I have barely 3 hours left to spare for resting. So the following day was Schoolympics AND choir representatives photo and video shoot. So yeaaaaaaah, we won cheerdance and futsal (plus other things though I was only part of the two hence I wrote them down HAHAHA). Futsal even if I was just asked to play that morning before the game. So (sorry I’ve been starting almost all of my sentences with “so” HAHAHA) I went home half asleep, and then woke up the following day having extreme body ache. Gladly, I didn’t have judo Tuesday after that tiring Saturday or else I would have been dead. Hahaha. Even if we weren’t overall champions, that event took my mind of the emotional upheaval.

I don’t remember every exact detail of last week but here’s a few:

  • I received my Econ 102 exam and had this epiphany that Economics isn’t really for me.
  • I received my Econ 101 exam and expected it to be a lot worse. I guess expecting the worst is better than trying to not expect at all. It was okay for me even if I didn’t get that super high score. At least, expecting that worst scenario didn’t took me off guard once reality was flashing to my face. Hahaha.
  • I had that very bad breakdown. Thank you to the blue walls for keeping me company lol. So after that breakdown, my inbox was flooded by those sweet people I ignored that day just because I didn’t want anyone to see my face and extreme red eyes. Hahaha. I met my mom after that breakdown and we went shopping (not to mention eating Mexican food) which, again, took my mind off things. Also, that depressed night, I realized how I SHOULD, even if until now, I feel like I can’t, I should be able to get through these. It’d be a long semester and I should be able to go through this. Despite all the distractions and stress, I need to get through this alive.
  • We (me and two of Log A people) went to Tri to pick up the trophies for the NYC Quiz Bee (which I have been dreading HAHAHAHA) then ate at Taco Bell. (Thanks to my Bracket A friend lololol) Yay to Mexican food again HAHAHA.
  • NYC!!! I was soooooo fulfilled after the event. (Especially after having the scoresheet work HAHAHA. Yes, I learned how to use vlookup! HAHAHA) No words… ♥ Haha. I always enjoy NYC. Plus, it was so cool how we were in integrity with our schedule. Like woaaaaah. :)
  • Reg’s debut. After NYC, my DebSoc friends picked me up in Econ and then we went to my high school friend’s house and prepped for the debut there. Then we headed to Makati Shang and yaaaaay, fun night! :)
  • I slept for 18 hours, draineeeeeeed. @-)

And the last happy thing (which is really shallow but it was cool anyway HAHAHA: I have an upcoming exam in Geog tomorrow (which I should be studying now instead of writing HAHAHA) so I had to print all the readings so I won’t get distracted (unlike studying it in your laptop, you’d be very much distracted with the internet, photoshop, and whatsoever lol). So. I placed an amount of papers in the printer without counting it. And voila, it was the exact amount I needed. Fuuuuun. HAHAHHAHAHA.

Okaaaaaaay. Study time!

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