The Mother of All Excuses

We are likely to be disconcerted by…hiatuses of thoughts.

Edmund Wilson

Because there isn’t a better excuse to write than having tons of thoughts supressed inside you, bottled, and waiting to be extracted gradually like DNA extracted from agarose gel. The process sounds so easy when you learn it within an hour and a half during an MBB class. It even sounds interesting, but really, not unless you’re there would you know how to.

I was propelled to write mostly because I’m distraught — for the lack of a better term. As usual, I’d rather have my thoughts organize than force my self to enjoy Varian’s lovely jokes and graphs with curves that barely curve. Of course, anything but studying Economics. (In all honesty, I do enjoy reading the book however, given my bad case of err unfocusness — if ever there’s such a term)

I could give you a thousand excuses but let’s reduce it to the perfect three:

I’m a teen. I’m prone to extreme mood swings. I have my insomniac moments (mostly every night actually, as long as I’m not crammig or busying myself with work, that is) wherein I over-think. I over-think almost every single thing that’s happening in my life. I have excuses to be mildly bipolar — being overly enthusiastic for a minute, and extremely down the next. Yes, I have that excuse.

I’m sick. A biologically-induced break would hardly be the right excuse. It’s quite pathetic. But it isn’t. Under the assumption that my body is ‘breaking down’ because I’ve refused to give myself a break from all the stress I get, I have been given the opportunity to sit down and try to relax and ponder on what’s happening, why I’m stressed and whatsoever. It gives me an excuse to dwell on the little things that complicate my life. And who knows, I might just be able to pull up a emotional-breakdowns-following-physical-fatigue argument if I wasn’t in such a rush finishing this entry because I suddenly became aware of the number of pages I still have to finish for tomorrow’s exam. I just can’t let myself conform to my “patapon” view. No way.

I’m stressed. This reason should be first. Haha. I am getting stressed even to the things I should really not be worrying about. It’s abnormal and very much unhealthy to constantly infuriate oneself with little details. And instead of worrying, why don’t I just shut up and let things be. I have the capacity to overcome everything right that momenet but I always allow myself to drown first and then have to cling to someone else for emotional stability. Which is just stupid. Because since ever, I’ve been aware that people come and go. No one could stay forever, hence one must learn how to live alone.

And that’s just the perfect excuse to push away people who gets too close.

Because I’m barely making sense in my own head, I’d have to end is and face Varian. I CAN DO THIS. Enough negativity for a week.

BLAH BLAH BLAH. Let the errors be, I’d edit this some other time. Or not.

A plus tard!!

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