Overthinking

After typing a number of words, I decided to erase everything and try to fix my unruly thoughts. From detachment, the trajectory of my thoughts shifted to acceptance, and then to feminism, and then to economics. Of course, you see no direct connection. But if I completely laid out in front of you how the transition from one topic to another occurred in my mind, you’d probably stop listening sooner or later.

As of the moment, I am still organizing my thoughts (multi-tasking actually, given that I’m trying to finish a paragraph of nonsense as well) – thinking where and how I should start. And of course, why.

Pause.


Alright, I’ve got them organized. I was talking to a friend about passions and then she replied:

                Wow J

                *J Wow.

                (because there’s a difference)

I realized that the brainwork started when someone used the way I type/use of emoticons as basis of emotions. (Fun fact: ‘emoticons’ is a registered word! HAHAHA. I only found out now.) Typically, I’m a person who uses lots of those things just to make the written conversation light. However, I also find that there’s this certain need to conform to how you write when we’re talking. I just find it inappropriate to continue putting those colons and parentheses when you’re all appearing to serious. I type “haha” instead of “:))” insincerely. In short, referring to the way I type would simply cause ambiguity. Misleading as it is, I find it a necessity.

Having read the conversation of why you’re feeling iffy about so many things (relating to me – us rather), I felt like I owe you an explanation. However, I’ve never been that person. My sister always pointed out I suck at explaining because 1) I tend to use terms unfamiliar to her or 2) I over-analyze my ‘premise’. So again, I never gave you an explanation mainly because I don’t like explaining and explaining would require me to think and thinking is something I reserve for academic-purposes alone.

So I felt bad (more of bothered really but it’s sort of the same thing in this case). Reading this and that continually pulled my emotions down. I suddenly asked myself, “If I have accepted it already, shouldn’t I not be feeling that pain anymore?”  So I started to ask myself what acceptance really is. (The other topics I mentioned above, they are related. But I feel like I have to study now for Econ 102 so I won’t explain it as it isn’t exactly necessary.

 

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