Well, I have this other side, see.
I’d probably just not explalin this as much as I want to. But then, it gives you that idea and hopefully, you could grasp the mixed emotions. Before anything else, understand that this is my way of procrastinating studying for my math exam given that I’ve given up looking for my old notebooks (old, meaning just used last sem. No, I’m not really this careless with my things. It just so happened that someone fixed my stuffs for me so I can no longer find them. Okay, enough tomfoolery. Lol)
So, here it goes:
I have no idea what has gotten into me. I usually am indifferent. When I like someone, it lasts for a few weeks then I get distracted with someone else and then the cycle goes on. Of course, it stops when I “fall hard” (which by the way, happens once in a blue moon. Or perhaps even more rare). In short, I, most of the time, am indifferent. If I like you and you don’t talk to me, so be it. It’s not as if I’ll die the following day. You get the point. I’m just indifferent. It’s no big deal, really.
I’m assuming, after having repeated quite a number of times already, you get the main point of that previous paragraph. Now, understand as well that I DON’T WAIT. Not unless it’s food. But for people? I have extremely short patience. I could wait for you for ten minutes, sure. More than that amount of time, I’d die of boredom and I swear, I’ll be more annoyed at you than Hades was when Persephone escaped him. Okay, that was a bit of an overstatement but get the point: you don’t make me wait. And even if you ask me to wait, if it’s too much of my time, I won’t.
It’s not my thing, waiting. Nor is asking for forgiveness. HAHAHA. Okay, this could take an entirely separate post but ugh, I told my dad I’d sleep by 1:30 and it’s 1:36 already HAHAHA. Sooo. I don’t say sorry. Well, I do on extreme moments, sincere apologies. I apologize to my parents when I know I’ve done something that offended them, but I have never ever ever said sorry to my siblings. Maybe it’s because I know it’s inevitable anyway, fighting and having to talk again. So I don’t. I just don’t even if I’m really really sorry. I don’t state it out loud. I’d apologize to you….sarcastically. When I’m extremely pissed off, it’d be “Oh I’m sorry, I wasn’t that much of an asshole to know.” You get it. Sarcasm. So those are the rare occasions. Oh wait. I apologize when I have to. Let’s say, I’ve scolded someone and I know she respects me or whatnot, I’d apologize. I don’t explain. So I don’t apologize and I don’t explain. Bad combo huh. But well, I feel that the explanation is just necessary if it’s demanded. I’m bad at explaining my side without sounding like a total bitch so I’d avoid instead. Even if we’re close friends. I won’t explain nor apologize. I’d let you feel that things are okay and that I don’t care about what happened anymore. If you still do, well, you sort your own mess.
I don’t do the holding back thing. Seriously. Given my attitude, I could tell you what I want you to know. There are exceptions of course. But generally, I’d rant. Or if it’s something nice, I’d let you know in a not creepy way HAHA. But there. No holding back.
So I think (not sure lol) I’ve got everything covered. Guess what, all those things, they never hold true when it comes to you. Because you’re that one person I’d keep thinking of. You’re that one person I’d be able to relate anything to. You’re that one person I’d manage to message and ask how you’re doing even if I know you don’t want anyone to talk to. I feel bad because you’re not okay. And I’d feel worse because I know you’d want that someone else to care.
You’re that one person I’d wait for for three fucking hours even if you had no idea I was waiting. It was just vain hope, wishing you’d somehow go to that place and see me and then we’ll talk. You’re that one person I’d stay up late for waiting for those random moments when you’d just message me and talk about things. Yes, I don’t wait. But if it’s you, I’d manage not to look at my watch to know how much time has passed because of my idiocy aka waiting for you.
You’re that one person I’d apologize to. You should know. Hahaha. That took so much courage and eating of pride. HAHAHA. And you’re that one person I’d dedicate more than 800 words just because I can’t tell you my thoughts knowing that it will obviously freak you out.
And you’re that one person I’d waste all my time and effort, knowing that you like someone else.
You just have no idea how much you mean to me.