Stress ball!

After allowing the I-beam blink for more than a thousand times, I decided to not write what I intenionally wanted to mainly because I can’t. I couldn’t make myself write because 1) I’d hate my self for hating you and writing those hateful words, 2) I wouldn’t want to recall them again and 3) I have been doing well holding my tears back for the past hour.

So instead, I decided to try drift my thoughts to something else. I was supposed to make this one long list but let’s see where depression brings oneself.

The following’s a list of those little things very few people know not unless I’ve told you or you’re just waaaaaaaay too observant to notice. Lol.

  1. I eat a lot. But I eat a lot only when the people I’m with are super close to me.
  2. I can’t eat when I’m feeling bad. Some people stress-eat but I even refuse to eat ice cream when I’m depressed. Sucks cause they’re supposed to be comfort food.
  3. I have a (bad) habit of crossing the street when a car’s a meter away from me. Never been in an accident. The nearest was a cab almost hit me. Luckily, it stopped an inch away from me. HAHA.
  4. I’m good at pretending and faking smiles. You would believe me if I told you I’m okay. Not unless I’m already about to cry.
  5. I always bring a hanky with me whenever I leave. I’d get annoyed the whole day if I don’t have one.
  6. Similarly, if I forgot to bring my watch, I’d get annoyed. Or I won’t look for it anymore before leaving the house because I’m already too irritated.
  7. I sleep late. Like really really really late.
  8. I can sleep for 20 hours straight. And I can also not sleep for around a week. As in zero sleep and still not get sleepy in class.
  9. I usually blog when I’m feeling bad.
  10. I do Creatives work either when I’m really inspired or when I’m really depressed. Luckily, depression seems to cause no negative effect on my work. (Or so I think hihihi)
  11. I use the same words over and over again. It depends on my mood. Last time, I used “fact” a lot and now, you probably have read “depression” over and over again already. And I just repeated “over and over again” over and over again.
  12. I easily have a crush on people. (I originally wrote “fall” but realizing that when that phase is over, I still cling to that one person. But hmmm, interesting case I have now. HAHAHAHA.)
  13. I’ve grown tired trying to conform to how people think I am supposed to be. I get pissed off for the first few moments you judge me but later on, the fuck do I care no more.
  14. I curse a lot when stressed.
  15. I easily get stressed over things I could really do. Hahaha. I usually just lack focus and motivation.
  16. I type using the correct fingering except when typing the letters Q, P, and K. HAHA.
  17. I hate it when people watches me when I’m doing something. Getting too conscious lol.
  18. I’m one of those persons who uses emoticons a lot. But I don’t use them if 1) the person I’m talking to doesn’t use them as well or 2) I’m serious/stressed.
  19. I usually get sleepy after crying.
  20. I’m sleepy and no longer feeling (that) bad. :)

Time to work again!