Too much for acceptance, it is.

When you want to forget but you can’t, it sucks. Really. Because that memory still haunts you even in your dreams no matter how you try to forget it. When you thought you’ve forgotten but when that single name appears in your feeds, you get distraught. And you’d know you’re still affected.

It’s so, how do I put this, exasperating to have to deal with this. For God’s sake, why can’t I just have a convenient selective memory. It infuriates me when I want to not care but I realize I can’t. F*ck. Someone told me once, “What you resist persists”. Only now have I fully grasped it. I’ve been trying to block certain thoughts in my head. I’ve evaded every single memory of hell that I experienced two years ago. That’s to put it simply. Now, I have come to this realization that I should just completely accept the shit that it was. I can do nothing about it anyway. It’s done and there really is nothing else to do but muse over it — which by the way, is the first thing I don’t want to do. So there, acceptance. But then I was wondering if it’s actually right to just accept it without dealing with the people involved. Because I feel like I don’t want to have to talk to them. Then again, there goes the argument for acceptance.

Admittedly, I hate writing vaguely. But sometimes, I just have to. Too much for acceptance, it is.