You know you’re distracted when…
I’ll be asking you to go away and stop reading this entry despite the fact that I know I have no control over your discretions. Nevertheless, I’d tell you now that this is such a useless post. Unusual. Maybe that’s the word I’m looking for.
Despite the fact that my opened little brown notebook’s screaming my schedule (which I wasn’t able to follow anyway) and how I still have tons to do, I found myself having the need to write this. Obviously, if I were a normal person (which I’ve never been, btw), I would have immediately grasped the idea of priorities. However, at this very moment, I found my first priority not academic-related but rather about how on earth I could cure my always-distracted self.
I have an exam tomorrow, an output (which is equivalent to my finals) which our group has barely started with, papers I abhor writing (yes, I’d rather write a blog entry consisting of a gajillion words). Yet, here I am trying to fix my thoughts. And of course failing.
* * *
My head was telling me that I should have left the building by 5pm as the place where I was was about to close. However, I decided to stay and not to wait, not to follow. So here I am again in the library, infinitely distracted instead of panicking.
And I know I’m distracted when I’m trying not to regret the decision of staying when one has offered to go with them instead. I know I’m distracted when I can’t write a word in my history paper when the words are right in front of me only waiting to be copied. I know I’m distracted when I can’t stop thinking of what would have happened if I left already instead of trying to write a paper with not much success. And I know I’m distracted because I had to open my blog just to rant non-sense.
(Well, at least I know I’m doing my best to focus hence trying to put a closure to this thought.)