Cul-de-sac

I was supposed to continue and post a blog I saved in my drafts but apparently, I don’t have time to explore where the “Drafts” folder in posterous is. So I shall deal with that some other time. That is, if I’d have enough integrity with my words. And hopefully I do.

As usual, it took me longer than I thought it would, writing another entry. Most likely, the reason why I decided to write another entry (though writing an entry doesn’t give much justice to what it is HAHA) is that I felt guilty of letting this blog be like words wrapped on old scarves. Or perhaps buried under some oak chest. Or maybe it wasn’t guilt at all. It was more of pride trying to prove my Kas 1 professor wrong about Filipinos not being able to maintain a journal. Yes, I guess it is pride.

Pride.

It’s such a big word, isn’t it? And yet, we use it nonchalantly. Sometimes, it’s due to the fact that no other word could work for that circumstance.

Pride.

Big deal. (No, I’m not using “big deal” sarcastically.)

I’ve told myself, and almost everyone who knows about err what happened that I don’t care about that anymore. Sure thing, I don’t. But it doesn’t help how impossible it is not to feel sorry it happened. How seven words could cause a really huge gap. How seven words could screw everything up. I must admit it still frustrates me and I myself am surpised at how I can put up with such indifference.

Of course it still cuts me, all those awkward moments when we try to avoid each other. However, the question always follows: what could I do? It seems futile when someone decides to give up or at least put up a show that he doesn’t care (despite the fact that he’s avoiding you — yes, the irony) and still strive or even hope to get things back to the way they used to. Getting affected of all the current happenings is inevitable. Like what they say, it’s an impasse. And the only way to deal with it is face the fact that you can’t do anything. One might say there’s always a way but that would mean going over the usual. And I like to think I’ve had enough by simply trying to fix it.

Oh great, it’s already past 12 AM. I’d have to come whatever it is Griffith experimented on tomorrow. Good God, enough for procrastination. Enough for distraction.

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