Getting lost in all my selfish thoughts

*That’s a line from Paramore’s Turn It Off, btw.

So now I don’t know what to write. I wasted time writing something futile. Wrote it anyway cause I had to kill time. This is me trying to make my time appear unwasted. HAHHAHAHA.

I’m supposed to be hibernating this sem break because school gave me this habit of sleeping at zero hour, but as usual, habit can’t be broken. The semestral break’s too short for me to break this habit. (Believe me, I’m trying really really hard with this already. LOL.)

So I was checking my CRS for the nth time. And then YAAAY! PE GRADE! Which was supposed to be posted weeks ago but meh, someone forgot, so it seems. :-” Anyway, I was kinda frustrated with how things are in my academic life. Not to brag but, I was never this indifferent of my grades. (Honestly, I was only different in the middle of my first semester after getting discouraged with my philo grades. Imagine getting 50 over 100 for my midterms. Yes, fucking 50 over 100. For my midterms. Which is like 25% of my final grade in philo. I went akjfshskhlakdsghfksjfh as always. Frustration. So I stopped caring. But then, it hit me. Some voice in my head told me to go fix my life like what I’ve always told people I cared about. (Obviously, I tell them that in a much kinder tone but since this is my blog, let’s remove all the unnecessary drama.) Middle of the semester, I got my hands back in the steering wheel, trying to take control once again of my life. Quite nearing the end, I was able to somehow fix the mess. Operative term: somehow.

It wasn’t as clean as it could possibly get. More often than not, just like before I wrote this sentence, certain thoughts bug me. It messes with my focus. And sadly, I wasn’t able to stop it. Partly, I had to let those thoughts consume me, partly, I had to battle with it. Fact is, the battling and the letting it consume me part goes simultaneously. And you’ll see the effect.