And here comes the irony
I was supposed to sleep but I guess, drinking half-blended dark mocha frappe, no whip, with hazelnut syrup and Irish cream gives me this. It’s nearing 2:30 AM and I’m wide awake. (Annoyingly, when I have to study, I easily fall asleep. I guess I have to give credit for school tiring me out. Hahaha.)
Apparently, dark mocha frappe keeps me up but my other signature drink does the complete opposite. Enough Starbucks talk though. Some hours a while ago, I went to Starbucks with two of my teammates and then headed to our High School to train our kids. *Stop.
*I didn’t want to go on writing again about how I had a great time with the kids and not to mention, missing debating itself because I know I’ll miss it more. Lol. This entry, shall be devoted instead to those years.
The class was having their quiz about some topic no one studied about. There was this girl, sitting in the front row trying hard to think of the most sensible answer to the questions. A few minutes passed and the instructor suddenly called her and asked her to stay in front. After the quiz, the teacher called the girl and told her: “I saw that girl at your back looking at your paper. Does she often cheat?” The girl replied, “She does it but she doesn’t have a case or something.” The teacher told the girl: “Alright. Go back to your seat and be careful next time.” A week later, the class had again a quiz. Someone voiced out loud enough for the girl to hear: “Cover your paper guys. Someone might copy your answers.” The girl remained quiet. She promised the teacher to keep quiet about the incident. But her main reason why she kept quiet? That girl who was caught cheating was her friend. And she won’t wish to destroy that good image she has.
Everyone was silent. People were crying. I approacher that girl in the middle of the room. She hugged me tight and said, “This is my last day here.” I was too shocked to reply. I knew what happened, no one had to explain. She was expelled. FOR REASONS I WOULD NEVER EVER BELIEVE.
Eleven years. I spent eleven years of my life in that institution. At first, I was that small girl who listened and believed every word they tell me. I was scared to disobey. I had no idea what was going on. Six years passed. I learned how to say “No.” I intenionally failed the test so as not to join a math competition. I ranked first in class. I was among the top five of the graduating batch. I succeeded, so I thought. I pinned down that longer tie on that blouse with a green patch. I was in a new world. I was scared at first, just like before, to disobey. I was new to everything. A year passed. I became part of that family. They’re the people who’d fight for their beliefs and voice out their opinions. I learned from them. And yes, I did the same. That girl I was once was gone. Who cared about disobeying? They’re wrong anyway. I stormed and talked sharply to this person I should have been respecting. She was surprised. This wasn’t the usual me. Shaking, I went home still surprised by what I did. That day changed my entire life. I learned how to tell people, “No, you’re wrong. You should listen to me.” Yes, yes. I didn’t care who was older, who was smarter. I don’t care. Authority doesn’t exist if you’re not respectable. That was my view. No one can shift it. It was fixed.
Amidst those events, I learned how to believe. This might sound surreal but I did get to be closer to God. Or at least, believe in Him. Turn to Him when I don’t have anyone to turn to. Yes, that was the same institution.
Lies from those who said truth was everything. Censorship by those who said freedom was the key. Rules were broken by the very person who implemented them. Seeing my friend expelled by that same institution who had outreach programs for children to be able to study. WHAT. THE. FUCK. Tangina. Kagaguhan na ‘to.
I would have lived with your lies, with your censorship and manipulation, with your rule-breaking. But never the last one. Have you ever tried asking how she was at home? NO ONE CARED ABOUT HER THERE. She just appeared strong to us but school was her only escape from that hell she was supposed to call home. SCHOOL WAS HER HOME. Not until the devils came out of hiding. She had to leave. No, they made her leave. And she didn’t have a choice. She doesn’t have a chance.
This was where I came from. I’m thankful for what I’ve learned. But no, I’m not proud to have been part of that. I had to live through everything. My teammates made my stay worthwhile. But not for long. They stopped supporting us with that one thing that keeps the team alive. I lost passion. Eventually, I left that world.
It was all unacceptable. Hell, it was. There was politics everywhere. Where was that freedom? Where was that truth? How could I respect someone who shows disrespect?
Moral ascendancy. It’s somehow similar to our Glden Rule: You don’t do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you.” But moral ascendancy’s pretty much like this: Don’t tell others what to do or not do if you yourself haven’t done or did it before.
Now tell me, where was your moral ascendancy again?