It’s the same thing all over again.
Exactly two years ago, I was rejoicing for finally being able to communicate to this guy I thought would really be far from my reach — some guy who, in my wildest thougts, never occurred to me as someone I’d grow attached to.
I don’t clearly remember how it happened. I don’t remember how exactly our conversation started. All I know was that Ondoy became memorable to me, not because someone I know was gravely affected (which I do appreciate, thank the Lord) but because these were the days I would have wanted to last.
We talked and mused over our interests: economics, Starbucks, debate, and pretty much those things that would come up when a nerdy debater meets another matterloader. These conversations we had were, for me, priceless as it was the first time I really felt special for someone. Even when he just sent me some matters for debates, or maybe invites to some dance competitions. Yet, it was all special to me. (And I’m still not sorry I’ve denied we did have a thing HAHAHA. Not my fault you denied it first :P )
So came October. He went to Thailand. I already felt him drifting away. I exerted as much effort as possible to maintain the relationship. Yet, like all else, it failed. Efforts were futile as for someone who never had the intention. It was around November when I thought, at last, I could revive what was there before. Yet again, it failed. And so came December. He was colder than ever. He became more distant. And to set my year, he made me cry. He tried to talk to me and clear things up. I was too scared by then. I was unwilling to talk to him. I decided to give him up.
However, sharing the same passion for speaking, we always see each other. And during those moments, we had to pretend we didn’t see each other. That we were unexistent to each other’s world. It was unfair for me. But what can I do? I had to let everything be the way they are as not to push my luck to its limits.
A year passed and I met someone else. He, of course, was always a thought that bothered me. He only talked to me for business purposes. We headed both our respective teams and the only reason why we communicated was for matters concerning the council. Months passed and I told myself, I have someone else, he does as well. I guess it’s just apt for me to try to talk to him again. I did and congratulated him on getting this girl.
September came and we both had not-so-good relationships (pertaining to our own lives). It was around September 12, I think, when I stood beside him, trying to avoid his gaze. I tried so hard to not notice him. Obviously, thanks to my teammates, I failed. And I thought, being inactive in the council would bring about an end to this long story of ours.
Summer this year, just before I went to college, we met. It felt awkward. For me, at least. He, on the other hand, however, seemed to be cool with how things are. I was in a relationship during that time and I was pretty much just waiting for it to end, hence the constant fights we had. He, as my friend just told me when he left,was actually experiencing the same thing. Yet, for one, the difference was he still had feelings for his girl.
I was surprised by how casual he sounded when he tried to start a conversation with me.Thoughts flooded my brain. Was I just imagining the coldness? Did he actually forgot what had happened before? All those questions, I tried to answer. No answer could satisfy.
So here again, he comes and messes up my life.
And I hope you stop assuming things.