It’s just so difficult to say NO.
I woke up at around 1:00 in the morning. I checked my phone and I saw a message from my committee head asking me if I could debate for JPES this Sunday. I didn’t reply yet since I wanted to think about it. I went online and messaged another friend who’s a debater and asked her if she knows about the said tournament. It turned out she was my partner for it and she already confirmed. Just about ten minutes ago, I opened my gmail account and saw Twitter’s update about EcoSoc’s PRO sending me a direct message.
Hi Chiaraaaa! Someone told me that you debate! Do you wanna rep Ecosoc in the JPES Debate? Elims are this Sunday in UST! with Reg Rodriguez
Ended up saying yes. It’s not because I found it difficult to say no. (I just placed that thing up there to remind people that they could and should sometimes say no.) I just miss debating. I miss feeling the seven-minute rush. I miss being able to bitch because I found their arguments stupid. I miss how my teammates would hold a sign telling me to slow down because I speak too fast. Yes, I miss debating. I deferred in UPDS, yes. I realized I don’t want to stress myself with all those trainings. Yet, I miss how preoccupied I was with matterloading, case building, that I even spent my holidays online, talking to my partner on how I think suicide clinics should be. I miss having that big chunk in my life. Debate would always be a part of me. I do miss it a lot and writing this blog gives me that emptiness. I acknowledge of course, the fact that I didn’t continue with my application process because I didn’t want to be stressed out by my application process. I, however, did not defer in EcoSoc because I’ve been more bonded with my co-applicants there. Sure thing, I miss all those debaters. Still, I find their company sometimes inauthentic; whereas in EcoSoc, with my fellow Power Apps, I feel a family.
It’s 2:50 am. What the fuck are you doing with your life?
I’m supposed to be studying for a math exam tomorrow yet I found again the urge for me to let my thougts out. Simply because, people are already asleep for me to channel my thoughts and make a decision. As you can see, the downside for me in being single is not having the chance to talk to someone as late as it is to articulate my thoughts to. (User. HAHAHHA.) Anyway, I’ve been resisting math 17. And, I swear to God, after I write this blog and check what happened with my importing of tumblr, I’d bury myself over graphing papers.
I went to Manuel L. Quezon Elementary School a while ago and I seriously won’t deny that my context was to complete the required CDCs. The president of that org was one serious impatient bitch. And I’m making her wrong for being too hot-tempered.
Anyway, I was with this friend during the CDC and he was talking to this person, who, for some god-damned reason, I found to be cold to me. My friend approached me and asked me to text that person. I was 99.99% sure he wouldn’t reply but to my utter surprise, he did. And we talked for a few minutes until he started not replying again. It was annoying but since I didn’t know what was happening with him, I don’t have any right to judge him or whatsoever. So. Later when I got home, I was really really surprised when I saw his name on my phone. I went like, “Fuck man! He seriously texted me?” I opened his message in a rush and found out that he was asking for my help in Econ. I would have been really pissed off by the fact that he just texted me because he needed something, but I wasn’t.Instead, I fed my ego by saying that it was so nice of him to remember me amidst the many people out there. *Kilig face — NAAAAT.* Hahahaha.
It’s just so annoying that he’s super bipolar. But I think, and this is a clear assumption, that his being okay has something to do with his being okay with his girl as well. Sad life, but, as a good friend, I’m happy to have the normal him back. Even though it’s still not the normal him.
I’d end here.